The Invisible Workload: Why Women Carry It All (and How to Change That)
- Oct 3
- 3 min read
You can see the dishes in the sink. You can see the laundry piling up. What you can’t see? The mental ticker tape of “don’t forget the dentist forms, reschedule piano, order more paper towels.”
A client told me she woke up at 2 a.m. panicking about whether she’d signed her daughter’s permission slip. That spiral — the one no one else sees — is what we mean by the invisible workload.
This is the invisible workload: the mental and emotional labor of running a household. And research shows it still falls disproportionately on women, especially working moms.
A recent study by the Public Exchange and USC Dornsife College of Letters, Arts and Sciences researchers focused on this uneven distribution of cognitive versus mental labor between genders. On average, mothers reported taking on roughly 73 percent of all cognitive household labor and about 64 percent of all physical household labor. The study uncovered interesting associations between cognitive labor and various aspects of mental health. Put simply: Mothers who shouldered more cognitive labor reported higher levels of depression, stress, and burnout.
It’s not just exhausting — it’s unsustainable. Let’s name it, understand it, and change it.
What Is the Invisible Workload?
It’s the never-ending list of tasks no one sees:
Remembering when the dog’s vaccines are due
Coordinating carpool schedules
Tracking school picture day, sports uniforms, and permission slips
Researching summer camps or tutors
Noticing when the toilet paper is low
It’s not always the doing that weighs most. It’s the constant mental scanning, remembering, and planning. The feeling that if you don’t think of it, it won’t happen.
Why Women Carry It Most
Even in households where chores are “shared,” studies show women often shoulder the management role: assigning tasks, following up, and noticing what needs to be done.
Cultural expectations play a part — but so does the fact that many women are wired (and socialized) to anticipate others’ needs. The result? Double duty: a professional workload at the office and an invisible one at home.
The Toll of Carrying It All
The invisible workload doesn’t just create stress — it chips away at well-being, relationships, and career growth.
Burnout: Constant vigilance leaves no mental downtime.
Resentment: It creates imbalance between partners and family members.
Missed opportunities: Energy spent on logistics is energy not spent on career, health, or joy.
How to Start Changing It
Like any system, change begins with visibility and redistribution.
Name It
Start by writing down every invisible task you’re holding. Seeing it in black and white helps everyone grasp the scope.
Share Visibility
Move tasks into a shared system (calendar, family app, or Weekly Command Center). When everyone can see what’s coming, you’re no longer the single point of memory.
Redistribute, Don’t Just Delegate
True change isn’t “Can you help me?” It’s “This is your role now.” Partners, kids, and even outside vendors can own full areas of responsibility. Think "category", not individual task. Instead of “Can you grab milk on the way home?” → “You own groceries now. From list-making to fridge restock.
Outsource Strategically
Vendor research, travel booking, meal planning: these can (and should) leave your mental plate.
Where My Home COO Fits In
At My Home COO, I don’t just take tasks off your plate — I remove categories. Imagine logging into your family’s shared calendar and finding the dentist, soccer schedule, and meal plan already there. That’s the kind of bandwidth shift the Delegation Desk delivers.
✨ Imagine handing off even one spinning plate this month. What could you reclaim? Mental space? Energy? Time with your kids or partner?
You don’t have to carry it all — at work or at home. Leadership means building systems, sharing responsibility, and letting go of what doesn’t need to be on your plate.
The invisible workload is real. It’s why so many women feel exhausted even after the laundry’s folded. But invisible doesn’t mean inevitable. With the right systems and support, you can share the load, reclaim your energy, and lead your home with intention.
✨ Ready to hand off your first spinning plate? Let’s talk about what would bring you the biggest relief.
~Kara
References
Aviv, E., Waizman, Y., Kim, E., Liu, J., Rodsky, E., & Saxbe, D. (2024). Cognitive household labor: Gender disparities and consequences for maternal mental health and wellbeing. Archives of Women's Mental Health. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-024-01490-w
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